“I don’t mind”

Marilyn Monroe said I don’t mind living in a man’s world as long as I can be a woman in it.
There was a time when I agreed with her. When I truly believed they women were equal, that the reason I was ignored was my age.  But then I noticed something. The people who said that women weren’t equal, and it needed to be changed treated me with respect. They heard what I said… The people who said that women were equal ignored me.
Fast forward to today, and I’m making less than a man would at my job. It’s not that I negated less. It’s that I was lied to when the negotiation ended. It’s that there are no local jobs that I will ever be paid the same as a man.
There are no local jobs where I will be respected like a man would. There is less chance for me to do the photography I like because I’m a women, and should be taking photos of people. Yuck. Not Me.

I’m trapped by being a women. I’m ignored, pushed aside. If what I want for me isn’t what the other person in the transaction wants, I’m expected to give up my goal, regardless of how that makes me feel…

So no. I’m not happy being a women in a man’s world.  I’m not content to be unequal to any one, based only on my gender, and sexual orientation.

No more creating please.

I get recharged when I create. It makes me feel awake, and alive. Yet, I’d rather be streaming videos and eating cheep candy in bed then doing anything useful. Isn’t that what a wage slave should be doing? Sleeping, being complacent with there lot in life? Ya, I guess so.

My job isn’t so bad on the scale of sole sucking. However, being left with almost 3 days of catch-up work by the person who covered my regular 2 days off counts as making me hurt all over, and not wanting to do my job.. or theres. If they had just done there job, instead of making more work.. or maybe even if they hadn’t done a thing. Just handled the “emergencies”… then I’d of only had 2 days of work ahead of me.

This has left me in the above mentioned state. I’m stressed, scared and hurting. I don’t have the answer of how to feel like creating again. But I want to be a fearless leader, and fearless leaders don’t get days off from doing there important work. That leaves me here, writing this blog. Wishing that it was 2pm when I could quit, and head to bed early.