Marilyn Monroe said I don’t mind living in a man’s world as long as I can be a woman in it.
There was a time when I agreed with her. When I truly believed they women were equal, that the reason I was ignored was my age. But then I noticed something. The people who said that women weren’t equal, and it needed to be changed treated me with respect. They heard what I said… The people who said that women were equal ignored me.
Fast forward to today, and I’m making less than a man would at my job. It’s not that I negated less. It’s that I was lied to when the negotiation ended. It’s that there are no local jobs that I will ever be paid the same as a man.
There are no local jobs where I will be respected like a man would. There is less chance for me to do the photography I like because I’m a women, and should be taking photos of people. Yuck. Not Me.
I’m trapped by being a women. I’m ignored, pushed aside. If what I want for me isn’t what the other person in the transaction wants, I’m expected to give up my goal, regardless of how that makes me feel…
So no. I’m not happy being a women in a man’s world. I’m not content to be unequal to any one, based only on my gender, and sexual orientation.
I’ve made a list of the current pain points in my life that I can fix, or at least take action on in the next few weeks.
*weight 196 pounds.
This makes me hurt all over.
This makes it harder to breath.
This makes my cloths not fit.
This makes me feel ugly.
I’ve already started the diet. I eat more vegetables.
This just sucks. I can’t get stuff done when overcome with fear, and after words I can’t do much because I’m really, really tired.
Mediate every day
Get enough sleep
Keep everything in working order.
They hurt *all the time* I have no hand strength because of it. I can barley type this as we speak. It royally sucks.
I ends meet every month… so long as nothing happens out of the expected. If something unexpected happens, then I’m screwed.
Pay off car with all extra cash
Write, and create things that I can sell.
My computer is really, really dying. Haven’t gotten a new one just yet. They cost alot and I don’t want to pull money out of my savings to get a new one.
Buy a new one.
If I some how manage to get through the list, and solve all of them will my life then be worth living? Not any more so then now. It will just be lots more pleasant, and easier. I no longer have to think that I may starve. My car is in good repair and working order. Once I get my body in working order, I will be able to pull my self towards the goal.
Everyone makes choices. The question is how do you make them? Do you choose what’s right, what’s easy? I tend to get trapped into making the easy choices. I think that most people tend to get trapped into that line of thought. However, there is more then just right, easy and wrong. There is Good for me. Sometimes whats good for me is spending a day on the couch watching movies. Sometimes it’s going to see the art exhibit that’s a 1/4th of a tank away. Do any of these effect the world? Not by much. However, they effect me.
I’m not talking about the big life choices here. If you’re reading this blog, then you’ve already made the big life choices. Now you’re getting an emergency fund, a start up fund or are farther down the road on the path to Fearless Leader then I am. We kind of get the big choices. But what about the every day choices?
I make choices based on what’s good for me. There needs to be work, play and rest. Without the play, the work will drain you. Without the work, the play becomes work. Without rest, well… nothing will get done. Trying meth isn’t an option. I like my teeth. Don’t forget doing good for others, and not harming them.
Right now, I’m dealing with a chest cold that limits what I can do. No early mornings photographing things. No hikes, or long walks. Just lots of rest and wishing I could breathe easy. I’m ready to be up and doing, and I really want to be active. Hopefully next week. I’d like to at least be recovered enough for a good long walk.
On Thursday evening I left home. I did do with no idea of where I was going to end up. The only thing that I took with me was my phone, computer, and car. I didn’t know where I’d end up. It was the cliché dark and stormy night. I didn’t plan it that way. I was frightened but glad to be out. For the first time I felt free…
I found a place to stay. I’ve sense found that I had more options then I’d believed. I have a wonderful network of people who are here for me. I didn’t have that at one time. It is wonderful to find that I really do have friends. I’m still amazed about that part. I’m now in a place where I”m safe and cared for. Where I am celeberated and accepted.
I am in a place that I’d believed that only money could get me. That I had no value to so many people. That my value came in my ability to pay people. But it’s better to have people who care for me, and about me.
I also learned that the definition of Mighty Minion is one who makes choices, and takes action to make the life they want. Not just the job that they want. There for, the definition of Fearless Leader is one who has the life, and job they want. That for me is a huge shift.