Why I’m hitting the wall.

I’m smart, intelligent, and good at photography. I haven’t given up. I’ve done everything that I could think of to do, I’ve gotten help from everyone who was willing to give me help…

However, remember me being smart? because of this, most people don’t believe that there are things that I can’t do. They think that when I do misspell a word, or can’t do math, or can’t memories something, that I’m just being lazy. They then go on to call me rude, and unworthy of help. Because I have so much in the way of looking and sounding smart… when I’m not stuttering.

I can’t learn how to do lots of things that everyday people can. Things like memorizing my address, phone  number, or anything like that. I really can’t do things that require me to do 2 steps at once (Unless I’ve done it for ever and it’s habit to be doing. but then I’m not thinking about it.)  And for anyone who tries to tell me that I should use perfect grammar, and spelling because of spell check, go fuck your selves.

I can’t do this stuff, and there are zero programs built for people like me, who, you know… insist on being treated like a person who is your equal. (Despite the fact that I’m almost always discriminated against… no matter what.)  School managed to teach me how to hate my self, and how to know that I will never be able to reach the standards that are set forward for me. Even if I do, I will have failed, because no one wants someone who has to spend 12 hours doing homework that takes the other students 2 hours.

I’m hitting a wall because I am poor, scared and learning disabled. If I knew how how change any of them, and was capable of doing so, I would have done it. I would have made the changes  a long, long time ago. Unfortunately, the world is set up to keep people like me down. I don’t have enough money to hire someone to understand intellectual property law, and that’s an extremely complex subject that I won’t even try to understand.

I also don’t have someone who can make the sales calls, write the pitches, and work on market research for me…

I have hit the wall, and I’m upset about it. I don’t know how to crash this one, as throwing my self against it hasn’t worked for over 20 years, and only ever left me feeling bruised, hurting and alone emotionally…

Help. Someone, I don’t want to loose this dream to to the same problem that has swallowed the rest of them.


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