Paying the Bills

If there was a way that I could survive by getting disability, I would be trying to do that. However,  I wouldn’t have enough money to pay for my meds, doctor appointments, rent and food if I were to be on it. This makes disability not an option for me. Even if I had thought that it was a good idea, or a morally right choice for me.  This leaves the only choices for me to make money being to earn it somehow..

So, This puts me working a job that right now puts in in the position of choosing what to buy and do with my money. Do I get an oil change or see my Dr? Do I go to counseling or buy food? There are no easy answers right now. Every penny that I spend feels like a life and death choice.  I eat mostly rice and pasta. They are inexpensive. I get free eggs and bread from a friend of mine. I splurge on premium peanut butter that’s an extra 2 dollars a jar.

I don’t get to buy things any more. I don’t know when I’ll be able to get new clothes, even from the thrift store. I don’t know when I’ll be able to get a new hair cut.  I don’t see how anyone could live on less money then I have right now. Well, I don’t see how they could while having any kind of life… I even canceled my internet for my phone to save the 10 dollars a month that it no longer costs me.

But, what am I doing in reaction to this barley getting the bills paid?  Hunkering down and not doing anything that directly moves me forward in the earning money direction. I don’t know why. I know that I need to be finding a new job, setting up my business ideas that will be running side by side. I know that I can handle this. However, I’m able to pay my bills, no matter how close I am to not getting them paid.

I even managed to splurge 40 dollars this month. of course, I now get to wait  until next to buy toothpaste, and other basic supplies. But I get my bills paid, on time, isn’t that the only thing that matters? It sure feels like it right now.. when It’s all that I can manage.


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